The appearance of what appears to be a sign of God has drawn believers and garage door appreciators from all over East Central Pennsylvania. God’s holy message has been delivered to Minersville, PA although no one is exactly sure what that message is or why it is appearing on a garage door.
“I am not sure what God’s advertising budget is,” asks Lamar Advertising Account Exec, David Schultz,” but I think he might be able to benefit from our new line of electronic signs.” After being severely beaten by the crowd for suggesting that the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent Creator needed such a mortal way to get His message across; the crowd returned its attention to the glowing garage door.
Many believers in the group of people seemed that they will have more converts by the end of the night. Most, however, seem to just be fascinated with staring at a human-shaped blob of light.
Personally, I don’t believe that something as important as finding religion would be left to such a vague presentation. The Old Testament burning bush that talks directly to the person is a much more clear way to send any religious message.
Looks like God’s gonna have to go old school.
-sj
p.s. For some reason, I feel compelled to quote those potentially prophetic words of Echo & The Bunnymen.
I have an old Windows 2003 Server that I set-up Apache Server to run MySQL/PHP/WordPress software. After wrestling with various config and ini files, I was able to get the server up and running in about a week. The installation of all of that was nothing. Not having ANY previous experience with MySQL & PHP was what made it take so long to get running. I would set something up, get an error message, research it, tweak it and then get another error message.
I hope this experience will allow me to get my own server up and running someday. Surprisingly enough, my brain didn’t melt in the process.
1) I have no interest seeing any more “gates” at the White House. TravelGate, WhiteWaterGate, MonicaGate, etc. If the next president wants gates, it’d be nicer to just set up an account at Home Depot.
2) Her ability to express feelings makes me think Senator Clinton took some correspondence courses on emotions through the mail. Either that or Hiliary lost her parents at a young age and was raised by chainsaws in the wild. She has three emotions as I can tell: mostly angry, angry and smug. I don’t trust people I can’t read.
3) Any educated, intelligent woman who marries and stands Tammy Wynette-style to someone like Bill Clinton is either thick, clueless or manipulative. She’s a lawyer by trade, right? Maybe that gives us the answer there. (insert Internet lawyer joke of choice here).
4) She’s for the war. She’s against the war. This woman isn’t presidential material. She’s a freakin’ waffle. Bust out the syrup.
5) She gets on Senator Obama’s case for being “naive” about things, including foreign policy. She seems to be forgetting that incumbency is viewed by a growing number of voters as a liability rather than an asset. Considering the current state of governmental affairs, I think most voters could even comfortably contemplate inexperience with a candidate. It’s not like Bush is setting the competency bar all that high here. The frightening thing is that if we were to convince America that the next presidential election was a People Magazine-sponsored ‘Who’s Hot? Who’s Not?” poll; voter turn out would probably be in record-breaking numbers and Matthew McConnaghey would be president. (author note: seeing as it would not be Bush or Ms. Clinton; I think people would be cool with that.)
My daughter has a fascination with Barbie dolls. I might even be more specific by saying naked Barbie dolls. I did have some initial concerns about the tendency for all her doll’s to be stripped naked. I wasn’t sure if it was age-appropriate curiosity or if it was some bizarre Homeland Security ordered exercise. Anyway, my imagination can go a little overboard sometimes.
For those who are regular readers of my blog, you may remember the loft I built for my daughter’s bed. I mention it because the space beneath is home to Barbie’s playhouse. It looks likes a high-end hotel. Sitting next to it is a small plastic tub that is full of Barbies, Kens and as I later discovered GI-Joes that my daughter must have taken hostage from her brothers’ room. I found them all while straightening up. The part of the discovery that I found shocking was among the naked dolls was a 6 inch black plastic AR-15 rifle.
I knew that very moment that I had foiled a terrorist plot. I raced downstairs to find the phone and call the Federal Government as soon as possible. I thought I’d just end up leaving a message, but as it turns out I was patched through to George W. Bush himself. He told me that he’d have those MISSION ACCOMPLISHED signmakers drop off something. He would also have a few hundred self-congratulating bureaucrats airlifted into my small hometown as well. He also told me that he was on his way. He was having AIR FORCE ONE fueled up while he got into his flight gear. In a matter of hours, Pottsville Pennsylvania was choked with crowds and camera crews. Secret Service men hustled me through the crowds at Garfield Square to stand next to the President with the small plastic rifle I had ripped from the hands of extremist Barbies who had spit in the face of freedom. The crowd cheered madly. I graciously accepted the key to the city they offered me, then we all headed over to Goodfella’s for some Yuengling Premium and kareoke. We stayed until closing time. Then, a helicopter landed in the lot across the way and was just about to take Gee Dubya back to the White House.
Just before he turned to get on the chopper; he turned to me and had me promise to keep doing my part for the administration. I promised I would squander a natural resource and give tax breaks to any corporations before I went home to pass out.
Ever hear those radio commercials that tell you that you can “rake in the money” by following some program they send you? Or maybe it’s visiting a website? Or calling an 800 number? You “sit back and count the money your computer” brings in. My personal favorite commercial is the one that says you get a FREE LAPTOP but then goes onto describe where buying things that you “need anyway” from that company is how you get your FREE laptop. Hearing all of this simply reminds me that there are no lifeguards for this gene pool.
Speaking of radio ads…Did you hear the one where Donald Trump wants to send me a free CD to help me make more money? He wants ME to make more money! (not you!). Anyway, I find it rather difficult to be inspired by such a powerful man who can’t seem to manage anything except a bad comb-over hairdo. I am also not sure I understand the Ivana Trump thing either. Marla Maples, perhaps, but not Ivana. Although I have read an article where Marla was interviewed. Let’s just say that if she were to visit Oz, she should probably be the one wearing the scarecrow outfit. I just can’t believe she hasn’t managed to land some kind of advising role in the White House.
What’s the big deal with getting pictures of Britney Spear’s underwear as she’s getting in and out of vehicles? Isn’t the fascination with underwear the fodder of 5 year olds? Should we point and giggle? Is it naptime yet?
Oh, the other day I caught the tail end of a show with Deborah Norville. It was some entertainment show….which is media talk for fluff media. Ms. Norville seemed to have a promising career a few years ago. Isn’t she the one who bumped Jane Pauley from her morning anchor position on a big show? Now, she’s announcing “news” segments that feature nothing except Carmen Electra stripping down to her bathing suit on a beach in Santa Monica. How might that be journalism? I suppose someone has to get to the bottom of that psychic pets who predict death in nursing home phenomenon.
I saw it at a Giant Eagle in Mayfield Heights, Ohio. It’s sugar-free, and it comes in a variety of flavors. I’d share those flavor names with you, but seeing as I grabbed a four-pack immediately upon seeing Frostie Rootbeer and went immediately to the check out; I didn’t linger long enough to take note of what those other flavors were.
Armed with Norton Antivirus, Spybot Search & Destroy & Ad-Aware; it still took a few hours…..and it came back.
It’s such a massive scam. It infects your computer, notifies you that the spyware is trying to access the internet, doesn’t allow you to stop it unless you “register” the software. Click on the “register” button and you get to pay a one-time fee to have the spyware removed. Such a deal. What a bargain.
