Physcho B*tch?

  Disclaimer: Please turn down your uppity sensors before reading this post.  My relationship with words must be a codependent one, because every time someone hurts one; it makes me hurt too.

         While walking down my street, I noticed that a parked vehicle had lettering decorating the back windshield. It is not unusual to see various designs that include NASCAR numbers, urinated Calvins, or references to vacation spots. Various slogans reappear as well that include knicknames of the driver and/or vehicle. Some explain that it’s a “jeep thing” and other are just a vehicle manufacturer or logo. The particular vehicle I saw has PHYSCHO B*TCH on the back window. It naturally triggered a bunch of thoughts.

-Is this new word pronounced FIZZ-ko Bee-yotch? Would that mean this presumably female driver can go PHYSCHOtic?

-Does her Alka-Seltzer go Plop, Plop, PHYS, PHYS?

-Isn’t Microsoft somehow responsible for this because of it having to do with WINDOWS? Shouldn’t auto detailers be using the spellcheck feature before applying the letters?

-Will the Talking Heads have to rewrite their hit single, “PHYSCO Killer?” What about Olivia Newton John’s “Let’s Get PHYSCHO?”

-Does this mean spelling can be a BICH?

I figured out how to make NASCAR more exciting

       Instead of having qualifying rounds to see who gets what position in the line-up, count off by twos and have half the drivers go the opposite direction. Although most of the excitement would happen in the first lap with all the explosions, anyone who survives would then need to dodge the wrecked vehicles to finish the race.

      It’s be the 21st century of jousting, but at speed approaching 200 m.p.h.

Candy cigarettes: a second-hand bad habit

   Up until a few days ago, candy cigarettes didn’t seem like such a big deal. My recent observations have led me to believe that candy cigarettes may not be such a good idea.

   While watching my oldest son play baseball, I witnessed a group of children eating candy. One little girl in particular was holding a box of candy cigarettes. Instead of just munching these chalk-like candies, she was posing with them while talking with her friends.  The edible cigarette was held between her index and middle finger on a relaxed arm. Pointing the imaginary lit end away from her body, she stood with her friends – repeating what is probably parental behavior regarding COPD in convenient rolled form. What was the name of the candy cigarettes? Target brand, of course.

   The mind races (mine, at least) at the possibilities with other marketing ideas to aim at kids.  Fisher Price Toys could come out with a bright colorful plastic oxygen tanks that the kid could lug around with them. Velcro chest straps could playfully minimize the difficult breathing that you get when you dance with Mr. Tobacco for decades. Baby Gap could come out with fashionable hospital-like gowns.

    O.K., maybe it’s a stretch. However, I don’t see the need for candy cigarettes.  Having lost loved ones to this, it’s more than annoying to see something deadly appear as a harmless activity for kids. The message is rather conflicted, don’t you think?

Top 10 new nicknames for George W. Bush

1 )  Captain Unaccountable
2 )  The Human WTF
3)   Inmate #4569775
4 )  The dude who freed Scooter
5 )  Dick Cheney’s Other Huntin’ Buddy
6 )  Executive Priviledgenator
7 )  Miss Representation
8 )  Laura Bush’s old man
9 )  Missionary Accomplished
10 ) The only guy who believes Alberto Gonzales

My blog is two years old this month!

   I remembered that it was two when I busted it jumping on my couch. It’s cool, though. I bribed it with some Cheerios to get down.

  The only downside is that my blog refused naps in the afternoon. Well, that and my blog doesn’t like to be strapped down in car seats when we go on long drives.

A+ Certification Test – Part 2 (Wrath Of Khan)

I passed the A+ certification operating system test (the second half). I am now A+ Certified.

Oh yeah.  I’m gonna get the babes now!

Long girls, long tongues and fried bologna sandwiches

Search terms that brought people here! Today KARI BYRON galleries
green screen Schuylkill County
fried Bologna sandwiches
kari byron thong
humorous personal philosophies
“Julie Sidoni”   green screen schuylkill Kari Byron Pictures KARI Byron Mythbusters pottsville green screen LONG TONGUES

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Please note the near-complete saturation of Kari Byron of this list. Approaching maximum Chuck Taylor-osity, this list consistently features Angel Boris, Gil Gerard, Stacey Keibler as well.

Long girls, Long tongues, and fried bologna sandwiches sound like an exciting alternative to broccoli.

Role models are so hard to come by…..

..a weeping judge, a lawyer who blurs the personal boundaries with his client, a family estranged by hard feelings, a bodyguard who gets too involved with his client, ex-lovers catting around…all centered around an ex-waitress/ex-Playmate with erratic potentially-medication fueled behavior in the middle of several lawsuits for a variety of reasons. In the meantime, the media helps keep this centerstage circus-like entertainment, that is, when a shaved & ill-behaved Britney Spears isn’t able to be captured on film.

Like I said, role models are so hard to come by.

Muppets are being slaughtered for their pelts!

Due to the incredibly cold weather throughout the United States, people are taking drastic steps to stay warm in these record low temperatures. This includes the latest trends of slaughtering the lovable, educational, as well as furry characters for their pelts. There doesn’t seem to be a demand for Kermit The Frog or Prarie Dawn, neither of which sport fur. However, monsters like Cookie Monster, Fozzie Bear, and Oscar the Grouch could net the seller several thousands of dollars.

The Jim Henson Corporation, who also manages other characters like Bear from Bear In The Big Blue House, are also concerned for the well-being of their other fuzzy employees. They nervously monitor E-bay and other on-line auctions to see if these gentle creatures end up sold to customers trying to keep the cold at bay.

Here is a pelt believed to be Harry, the muppet who used to wear construction helmets.

Toddlers, armed with little to no medical knowledge, are taking other parts of slaughtered Muppets and ingesting them in hopes of acquiring knowledge of letters and numbers WITHOUT having to learn them.

Parents and educators everywhere are worried. They have aligned themselves with P.E.T.A. to form a splinter group to break into Public Broadcasting Stations to release Muppets from their cages. It has also been recently discovered that Muppets have been used in the cosmetic industry to test the toxicity of make-up and other beauty products. Representatives for Maybelline refused to comment.

Last night, I drempt of Hell.

….and yes, it involved LAUNDRY.

In my dream, I was able to smuggle in my digital camera and I snuck this picture. Here, a she-demon is restocking her room of stinky laundry. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the music pumped into the room was a never-ending dance remix of Rick Astley’s “Together Forever.”

This must be reserved for souls who do really NASTY things on Earth.