5 Traits I Really Like In A Co-Worker

1) A Sense Of Humor – There is a time to be serious and get down to work, but being able to laugh is important too. You don’t necessarily need to be a prankster, but don’t take everything seriously.

2) Know the difference between venting and complaining – Sure. Everyone has their bad days. Things don’t always go smoothly. Let people know you’re having a bad day, then try to move on. Don’t become the human dark cloud who then evolves into a psychic vampire and drains the life and enthusiasm for being there. If things get that bad, dude; quit. If you are reading the classified during your lunch hour; it might be time to move on.

3) Flexible – Things don’t happen when they need to, nor does the equipment work the way it’s supposed to all the time. Figure out work arounds. Don’t go postal.

4) Be willing to help out where it’s needed – Don’t be the person who will literally only do the things specifically listed on your job description. Especially if you work in a small office, being willing to help others can go along way.

5) Beware of the psychological condition of TRANSFERENCE – If you just ended a customer call after getting your face ripped off because they didn’t get their way; don’t take it out on anyone.  Empower yourself.  Learn what you can and can’t do, then only worry about the stuff you can change. If a customer tries to rip you a new one, tell them you’re willing to help but not be abused. Be willing to help, but not willing to be a pariah for all the evils ever befallen from them in the past. Oh, and don’t go blaming the person or group who handled the issue before. Bad karma, otherwise.

Bonus trait: practice decent personal hygiene. Co-workers are willing to cut you some slack for the occasional broccoli in the teeth thing after lunch. Bad coffee breath is possible to cope with for brief periods. I am talking the shower/bath thing. Clean off. Use deoderant or other anti-stink technology.

5 traits I find incredibly attractive in a woman

1) A sense of humor – Stoicism is not hot, even if it’s wearing something skimpy. Sorry, life is way to short to take seriously. NEXT!

2) Curiosity – The ability and interest in thinking about why things happen. Letting life just happen to you gets really old quick.

3) Imagination – The ability to think creatively. This goes really well with #1.  Having a good imagination pretty much counts as a coping skill, which is good to have anyway.

4) The ability to emote – Knowing how to identify the feeling and knowing what to do with it. It may take time for labels to  happen, but being able to do this makes things even cooler.

5) Confidence – You don’t need to know exactly what you want, but having a good idea helps. Knowing what you like and what you don’t like is a great start. I think it comes from being comfortable in your own skin….your own world. Knowing how to emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses is a skill that everyone should have. Challenging yourself to try new things also helps. Staying home to do nothing except watch tv gets old fast too.

Side note: My wife is 5/5 on this one, for those who are curious.

Selective rage against the machine

Making this IMUS thing really simple….. 

1-Racism & sexism are the surface problems. These problems have been problems long before Don Imus and rap music got their start (both around the 1970s). The problem has sublimated into less obvious, harder-to-trace issue. It’s not a conspiracy nor is violence going to solve anything. Holding past offenders accountable isn’t going to help. Spending energy and resources to place blame is also a waste of time.  Still, the issue is clouded even more by most discussions by emotionally-loaded words defined differently among different groups. Ultimately, the issue is the balance of power and the perception of that power balance.

2-Money, fame and notoriety can distract people from values. Corporations make money off shock jocks. Shareholders makes money off corporations. Music industries make money selling albums. Music artists make money selling albums. Controversy sells albums, newspapers, books, television shows, movies, and other mass media items. Controversy polarizes people into speaking out. Being offended seems to be a national pasttime. Taking people to court for whatever reason they want to seems to be another.

3-Let’s not waste time with some easy targets. Rap artists. White supremacists. Talkshow hosts. We can’t celebrate and condemn at the same time.  Just as we shouldn’t celebrate Imus, we also shouldn’t be celebrating rap artists (or any other artists for that matter) either. Anything that degrades, insults, belittles, or encourage violence against others needs to be targeted collectively.  That would include the music industry and those contributing to it, including the artists. We also need to think of the media influence in this, too. How things get presented are going to influence beliefs. The media has its own agenda, too. It comes down to holding ourselves as well as others accountable. The trick is to be able to do both.

4-The bottom line is that the choice is up to you on your role in racism and sexism. If you decide to take the mental shortcuts that stereotypes have to offer, you’ve pick your side. If you foster the us vs. them thought process, you have also picked, too. You don’t have to grab a protest sign or chain yourself to anything. You just have to speak up.

p.s. Another good rule of thumb is that if Rev. Al Sharpton thinks its a good idea, you might want to perhaps consider other stance.

One man’s thoughts on having successful relationships

    First of all, I am not an expert on the subject. My emotional resume includes failed as well as successful relationships. I don’t have the time or inclination to date each and every person to formulate what possibly might be a more accurate theory, but I simply offer some basic thoughts.

     Next, I think these thoughts apply to all relationships including romantic, familial, friendships, acquaintances, and stranger alike. There are some standards that apply to all, but somehow romantic relationships have some other set of rules. I don’t believe that is true. Once again, this is based on my personal experience. 

1) Know your weaknesses and strengths. I think that you really have a good idea about yourself before you can share that with someone else. It is alright to be quirky; we all are. We have to be aware of our own set of rituals, maybe think about why we do things the way we do, and know how we act when we can’t do them.  If you know you become short-tempered when you’re tired or hungry or have an irrational fear of clowns, that’s fine. Being able to identify things like that will help you sift through real issue later. Don’t sweat having your quirks. Everyone has them. If they say they don’t, they are either lying or haven’t done their own inventory and might be best left alone. Assuming no one else has emotional baggage of some sort is completely silly.

2) Fight fair - All relationships will have disagreements of some sort. The more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to see them at ALL points of their emotional, social, and physical range. If leaving wet towels on the floor bothers you enough to say something; then say it in a timely matter. Be as diplomatic as possible. Say it is just something you are used to and express some appreciation if they could stop. Let it go. The idea is to not sit on the problem for weeks/months on end, then blow up the next time it happens. Leaving wet towels on the floor should not also be a springboard into an anger-fueled tirade of everything that person has done wrong for the last 6 months. That is attacking. Namecalling? Attacking! Accusations or implying other non-spoken things? Attacking! It doesn’t mean the relationship is over. In this case, it’s just wet towels. This leads us to…..

3) Respect the other person and their boundaries -  Think about the closest friend or family member you have had that you feel genuinely looks out for you. They call you on your stuff when they think you are messing up, but put it in a supportive way. They are also their to share your accomplishments and successes too. A friend also learns and knows what you like and don’t like, and acts in response to that. Here is where trust, honesty, and respect are established.  All of it is fostered by communication. You don’t have to be a polished public speaker, but you do have to have an respectful approach when dealing with other people and their feelings. Long lasting relationships are not built on manipulating or using others.  People worth knowing and hanging out with aren’t into the extrinsic form of relationships.

4) Never give ultimatums – These are usually given to manipulate someone into doing something else. They are generally given with the expectation that you will pick the answer they want. Relationships, like any natural force on the planet, constantly seeks equilibrium. Anger, hate, violence, control issues, ultimatums, etc. are not settled states. Equilibrium doesn’t mean relinquish all control to the other person. It is a shared balance. Both parties should be able to be themselves, and make their own decisions.

5) Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and emotions – People will feel the way they want to; however, that is not, nor should it be, license to dominate/hit/ threaten/manipulate/control other people. Stressing out is natural, but people need to learn how to identify and express their emotions in a safe, healthy way. Substance abuse (drugs, alcohol) interferes with that expression just as pretending to be victim to feeling emotion. Anyone wound so tightly that they become violent or belligerent upon feeling any anger or anxiety should be a beacon to leave unless it is dealt with an managed with professional help. Giving someone time to deal with it is fine. Not holding them accountable for changing is not fine.

6) Pay attention to some detail – knowing what someone’s favorites are is a simple thing to show that you think about someone.  Remembering a conversational tidbit that they like a particular flower or food is a nice tip-of-the-hat when you see them again. However, you have to be careful with this. Something too intimate or personal could be interpreted as stalking or obsession. Unless you want to kill any hope of relationship, serious thought should be kept in keeping things simple. Saying “Hi” in passing to a complete stranger in a Piggly Wiggly supermarket, following them home, and pledging your undying love; that’s just creepy. Seeing someone again who caught your eye at the last party you both went to together, and remembering that she likes Van Gogh paintings; that’s a nice touch. Subtle is good.

7) Building Relationships are like poker games – You just can’t jump in on any table. You should develop a poker face to temper pure excitement from scaring off anyone willing to play, or masking disappointment when things don’t work out. Knowing when to walk away when things don’t look right. Sharing information about yourself is much like the ante up process. You share just enough to match what you think will keep someone interested but not too much to scare off future bids. If someone puts TMI (too much information) on the table, the other people will either feel compelled to share something too personal too match it or may fold (walk away).  When you do win, rubbing it in other peoples’s faces is still not cool. When you lose, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be playing. It might mean finding another table to change your luck. Good luck does come into play here, but it has more to do with the willingness to learn skills than wearing a lucky outfit. Pardon the cheesy Kenny Rogers-like analogy, but I think this makes sense.

stjarna gets philosophical, but just for a moment

1)  I believe that everything happens for a reason. You may not ever understand why on some things, but it does.

2) I believe everything works out in the end. If you are genuinely trying hard and work towards making yourself a better person, things will work out for you.

3) I believe you should try everything once. Not necessarily things that are illegal, morally repulsive, or outright nasty; but you get the idea.

4) I believe that learning is a journey and not a destination. People open to new ideas and capable of incorporating them are the role models we should be following.

5) I believe that having a sense of humor is the ultimate coping skill and relationship builder of all time.

6) I believe that understand the patterns and cycles found in nature can provide insight to other things, including relationships. The world is essentially a group of forces interacting. Understanding and respecting those forces can help guide you, just as ignoring them can work against you.

7) I really love rice krispie treats, but only if they are chewy and not crunchy.

Hair care products: helpful chemicals or relationship diagnostic tool

I had a stray thought at work today (I mean, again). This time I thought about the relationship between a person and hair care products. All of it. The gels, the sprays, the goop, the creams, the pastes,the shampoos, the conditioners, the combs & brushes, the hair dryer. Everything.

Now, I am sure everyone knows people who can’t spend less than 2 hours with primping and prepping to get ready to go out for the evening. Everyone seems to have a ritual for that. However, for some, it is not the products but the ritual itself that makes it a pattern for them. Unfortunately, traveling across the country or even to run to the local deli, some feel the need to goop up. This is where my theory comes into play. The more focussed on the products, the more likely they are to be high-maintenance.

High-maintenance, in anything from relationships to people, is not a good sign. If someone has to put on that many chemicals, something is up. Being concerned about appearance can be completely natural. In fact, paying some attention to something as important as personal hygiene is great. Some people can ‘clean up real good.’ Fighting tooth-and-nail to fight things like messed up hair could lead to other pointless fights like that with gravity or aging. Plastic surgery, other than for health reasons, is high-maintenance at its finest. Anyone who has seen Lisa Rinna’s lips, Kenny Roger’s eyes, Joan River’s face, or Cher can get a glimpse of the bizarre and ugly reality.

My advice, going out mainly to the guys, is this: pick a woman you find attractive and take her on a date. When you get home, say you need to use her bathroom. Once there, check out all of the hair care products she has there (I wouldn’t try to scope out products in her bedroom, although hair care products have been known to congregate there, too). The rule of thumb is if you can’t pick all of the products up with two hands, politely excuse yourself and run away.

-sj

p.s. This theory, seeing as it received no funding, nor did it involve any form of actual research; you might take this into consideration when taking this theory to heart.

Another Blogmad observation

The numbers keep growing, and more people are visiting my blog. However, the average stay (in seconds) is dropping. I am not sure if it is really worth it.

I realize that my blog may not stand out all that much with a library of thousands on Blogmad, but I am really wondering about the benefit of having 25 second visits – especially at the commitment of having to view what are essentially the same blogs over and over again. The browser can even be minimized while time elapses (not that I do that or anything).

I am curious to see what other people have to say. I have found some very funny, interesting, and some outright hysterical blogs from some people there. However, I am not interested in blogs about political extremes, religion, pets/animals, bored teens, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends of complete strangers, pet/animals dressed-up in clothing, fashion, make-up tips, and trips about errands ran that day. They don’t all have to be diaries/journals, do they? How about some funny insight about something mundane? Weird pictures? Throw me a bone here, fellow bloggers!!!

Am I missing something here? Are the people who have all sorts of credit because they don’t work for a living and can click through pages, hour after hour, to rack up those points?

What about those of us who can’t surf at work? Or those who have families that can’t be tied to the computer?

Why aren’t there feature films that have a cheese slice for the main character? Why do people care about Jennifer Aniston? What would I do for a Klondike Bar? Who put the Bomp in da Bomp di-Bomp-di-Bomp? If you could lick chocolate off of a supermodel, would you choose Bosco, Hershey, or the generic brand?

I need to know.

p.s. Does my blog get taken out of the loop when I am behind in surfing credit?

The Angel Boris Theory

I really like Sci-Fi, but to be honest; you have to wade through a lot of bad stuff before you find the fantastic stuff. For example, I like to watch the Sci-Fi channel, but would not agree that everything on there is worth watching. I think Sci-Fi is like comedy improvisation (i.e. What’s My Line – with Drew Carey – or even Robin Williams stuff); it is either hysterical or its not. Sci-Fi is either fantastic or stinks like a diaper pail on a warm day.

Luckily, I think each film genre has built-in indicators that tell you the quality of the film. Just like those pop-up plastic things that come with turkeys that signal when the bird is done cooking, you have to look for certain things in films. While lame plots or storylines can kill any interest, it’s usually the actors in a film that really push the film in a bad direction.

Personally, I look for the following cast members on a film to let me know that the film is probably a waste

-Barbara Hershey
-Adrianne Barbeau
-Any Carradine brother
-Kirk Cameron/Alan Thicke/Tracy Gold/Joan
-Corey Haim/Corey Feldman/anyone named Corey
-Maria Conchita Alonzo
-William Shatner
-Stacey Keach

The only exception would be any film reviewed by Joe Bob Briggs. Those drive-in-esque films are SUPPOSED to be cheesy. These titles usually let you know right from the bat that the Oscar level of talent is not likely to be challenged (or reached, for that matter). “Assault Of The Killer Bimbos” and “Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity” are designed specifically to give employment options to ex-Playboy Playmates and those waiting tables at restaurants.These films are so bad that they are entertaining..to some extent,at least…. The next notch down, which typically feature no recognizable people in the cast, for Sci-Fi films usually follow the “Natasha Kinski Theory.” The theory (which I came up with) states that if you are unable to convey anything while attempting to act in front of a camera, remove your clothes.

Like I said, you have to wade through a lot of low budget films to get to the good stuff. It’s not that I have a problem with nudity. However, when I am in the mood to see a film; I want to see a film….plot, character development, the whole shebang.
Anyway, I have since updated my original theory (created in the 1980s). The updated version of this syndrome, I believe, is the “Angel Boris Theory.”

Angel Boris, featured in the Angel Boris Theory

I had recently saw a film called “Dragonstorm.” Basically, dragon eggs hurdled down from space during what appears to be the Middle Ages. These eggs hatch, and the dragons start destroying towns nearby. A brave and noble force is assembled to battle the dragons, but what turns out to be a potentially good story gets clogged with Velveeta-level acting. The acting is so bad that the “suspension of disbelief” in this film applies to the viewers thoughts about how these actors and actresses find employment. Angel Boris’s character was able to help defeat the dragons by not only helping aim a catapult-like device, but also be leisurely bathe herself in front of the camera for several minutes at a time. For some reason, I could only think of two reasons why she got the job.

I would recommend many other Sci-Fi film classics, if only just to give you an appreciate how far we have come with film technology. Lon Chaney Jr. & Bela Lugosi films that feature werewolves, mummies, vampires, or Frankenstein are a must see. I would also put any early Godzilla/Mothra/MechaGodzilla film in this category, too. We have come a long way from being able to see the strings from a Godzilla model swinging back-and-forth over a scale model of Tokyo. I would also recommend H.G. Well’s-based film “Time Machine.” ….maybe even “20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.” There are many others, but these are just a few I can think of now.

Oh, I would recommend the movie “Chronicles of Narnia,” too.

Three Options to end the War On Terrorism

Hold a press conference. Tell the world from this point forward that America is sick and tired of dealing with terrorists, and we will take steps to end it whether they like it or not. The plan is simple. Announce to the world that any country who targets America or American interests will have the option of choosing their fate from the following items:

Option #1 – We will airlift 250,000 bikini clad American women, along with their preferred photographers, and have them storm Iraq. Escorted by our military men and women, scantily-clad women will parade the streets until they are clear of terrorists. For those terrorists that are offended, they will be too busy shielding their eyes to shoot their guns. For those who do look, we will give them the option of having them get their photo with a model of their choice in exchange for any and all weapons they may have or know where are stockpiled. If, for whatever reason, they start shooting at these almost ‘nekkid’ women; outraged men from all over the world will join our ranks to protect those participating in OPERATION SCHWING. Let’s see how quickly the ALLY list grows on this one!

Option #2 – While I am not a big fan of corporations, I think that we could get some good payback AND help our economy with this next choice. We could airlift representatives from McDonald’s, Wal*Mart, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Rent-A-Center, Burger King, Citibank, Chase, and have them establish their companies in the terrorist stricken countries.
If we are going to pour ungodly amounts of money into a foreign economy, we might as well set ourselves up to get paid back. We could ship televisions, microwaves, blenders, toasters, home computers, and all sorts of other appliances that feed that instant gratification thing. Have local radio stations show lots of Jerry Springer reruns. Build a few BlockBuster Videos, stock it with lots of old, trashy B-movies, and throw in some free popcorn. I am thinking that the conversion to apathetic, disinterested citizenry should only take a few months. It shouldn’t be all that long before every front porch has a NASCAR flag and a beat-up couch on it. I like to call this OPERATION LOW BROW

Option #3 – Airlift 250,000 toddlers and their diaper bags onto the country in question, make it just after lunch but BEFORE naptime, and you will have the terrorists surrendering before DINNER TIME. The toddler will be getting into everything, and they won’t get anything done….except maybe during naptime. We could really speed things up by giving the kids candy and sugar cereal before they land there….or better yet, have all the kids have different naptimes before they get there. Those crazy terrorists will be too busy trying to get those kids into a ‘routine’ that they won’t know what him ‘em. When the kids get back, have the government pay for their college education in exchange for their service to their country. OPERATION WHY? WHY? WHY?