While taking inventory of my children’s Halloween candy haul recently, I came across one of my favorite candies: M & M with peanuts. Of course, my concern here is that all of the candy my children eat is safe. I wouldn’t be doing my job as a parent unless I carefully inventoried and randomly searched several items to make sure they are fit for consumption. As Halloween candy inspections can sometimes be strenuous, I had decided that the children should probably go to bed first before personally conducting them. I did note that the inventory dropped, especially in the M & M with Peanut category, AFTER my inspection. In the morning, I would encourage my children to file a MISSING CANDY REPORT with the Federal Government, telling them that it could take weeks before an investigator was assigned to the case. And also that was no guarantee that they would even find the missing candy.
Anyway, as I was about to throw some empty wrappers in the garbage; I noticed something on the labels that I hadn’t noticed before. Printed boldly on the outside of these bright yellow bags was the phrase FUN SIZE.
The implications had me reeling! What exactly did this mean? Was this presented to the public because other size bags have proven to be too much work? Would they discontinue those JUMBO bags because people thought they were too much work? Or was this a FUN SIZE because the candy factory employees enjoyed filling this particular size? Did their union complain that the other sizes weren’t as much FUN?!? I wondered if even I was ambitious enough to enjoy the FUN SIZE bag. It was all so traumatic.
Panic began to set in at this point. How was I to know that other products were FUN SIZE? What items should have the FUN SIZE label and what would those other labels be? The first thing I thought of would be cars. People should be able to go to ANY car dealership and get a car in FUN SIZE. They already have various sizes including compact, sub-compact, mid-size, full-size,and luxury. What difficulty would it be to add one extra size. Should we be able to order other foods in the FUN SIZE? Why just extend it to other items? Would it be possible, in the future, to purchase bras that were “fun sized.” What if you could describe certain people as being “FUN SIZE,” think of all the applications of it. Personal ads and relationships would get a new dimension added to them.
All of this sparked by raiding a bag full of Halloween candy. Can you believe it? Of course, it also proves that cliche: SIZE DOES MATTER.