Tired of being criticized for his blundering performance from the Presidential podium, George W. Bush has begun to work with a new set of staffers: graphic artists.
After letting go his staffers that hadn’t already been hauled away on indictments, Gee Dubya hired a group of talented computer techs to manipulate his picture using Adobe’s premier graphics program. In true Washington form, he hired these artists in the middle of the night, without any warning or review and made sure that no one could review their performance or decrease their salary. Figuring he has already suffered in the popularity polls, he thought that no one would notice one more massive line item in an already screwed up budget.
“I figger if the Innernet has already got pictures wid me in ’em, I can get own stuff out there, too. I got plenny of time to surf an all ‘cuz I do that when I am in Crawford on vacation. In fact, I am going back again this month, too. You caint imagine how much work it is to keep 37% of the population happy. It’s like they want me to do stuff for ’em.”
Initially, Bush met with these artists to determine which themes would evoke the most support. After considering having his “doctored” picture to include puppies and nuns to make him appear “gentle”, he finally settled on having leather gear with metal spikes adorn his picture to make him look “tough.” Bush felt that if I could look like “dat guy from Iron Maiden” that everyone would be too afraid to ask him about WMDs.
“He wanted something that made him look like he could handle anything dangerous. Even though he spent his National Guard stint during Vietnam between campaigning for a connected friend and hiding out on an abandoned military base, I knew just the look he was going for,” stated Photoshop enthusiast, Wendell Meek.
The collection of photos released by this new band of imagemakers yielded many pictures. One picture showed Bush standing on a large pile of venomous snakes that had erupting volcanoes in the background. Charging toward him maliciously were a band of bears, wolves, and Americans who are upset that they had been lied to.
We can only wait to see what the public polls will yield for the future.