5) Post lots of pictures of your kitten. Nothing gives a blog substance like 15 Gigabytes of pictures of Fluffy hiding under a blanket.
4) link it to a webcam, especially if you dye your hair black and wear lots of eye make up. The world needs another Robert Smith look-a-like.
3) UZe l33t sp33k ta give pRopZ an sHout-outz tA Ya homiez. 3nglish iz wai ovur-rayted.
2) Nothing impresses website visitors like dead links and generous use of the words UNDER CONSTRUCTION. You can really juice up your site with animated gifs of yellow signs showing people digging to drive the UNDER CONSTRUCTION point home.
1) Give yourself some depth by linking to sites with a social cause. Your site will get all the traffic you can imagine when you enlist the hearts and minds of those who protest violence against Islamic Kittens. Fundraising for bellybutton lint awareness or finding a cure for pancakes would probably help, too.