The first thing we need to do is take some steps to discredit him. We already have some of those resources in place to do so.
We already know that Osama likes to release audio tapes of his tirades and directives. He doesn’t seem to be doing videos anymore, for whatever reason. Since faking audio is way easier than video, he’s already met us more than half-way. How hard could it be to present some doctored audio to the world that would show Osama in a different, less competent light? Personally, I think we really need to twist the messages. Then we’d really get him. What do you think would happen if he was attributed with these sound bites?:
“I am 100% percent behind Liz Taylor. I can’t believe the press would print such lies that she has Alzheimers. I would also appreciate it if everyone would just leave Michael Jackson alone.”
“In exchange for not bombing any country, would someone please send me someone to fix my betamax video player? I am unable to get my FLETCH video to play.”
“Boy, it sure would be nice to have a Wal*Mart right about now. I have just about tapped out all my cash and could use the money and benefits as a greeter. Those blue vests sure look sharp.”
“I am injured and sick and living in a cave somewhere. Can someone tell me if Sally Struthers can help me out?!? For 87 cents a day, you can support a homeless terrorist!!”
“The infidels have destroyed my supply lines and it has been 3 months since I have got my People magazine. I have not been able to track Jennifer Aniston’s every move.”
“I will give you a clue as to my whereabouts. It is near a desert…Ba Dum BUMP! Get it? Near a desert!?!?! That’s hysterical!!!”