Jobs I would want (#1): Real Estate Agent in Lebanon

“Here’s a delightful little property. Although the rooms are small, they seem more spacious because the roof has been blown out by explosions. With a lot of plexiglass and plywood, you’d be more that halfway to some spectacular skylights. What could be more romantic than being able to see the stars, along with explosives and tracer rounds lighting up the evening sky.

Not only is it close to what used to be a school, there is a lot of cover between here and where temporary classes are being held nearby. While there is no playground anymore, your children can spend time playing in abandoned buildings that used to be local businesses. They might even scrounge for scrap metal for some pocket change, assuming that the metal dealer hasn’t skipped town yet. Overall, it’s a great place to raise children with the blind anger that will perpetuate this violent nonsense for millenia to come.

The shells of burned out vehicles will protect your property from stray gunfire, while giving your children more places to conceal themselves in rousing games of hide-n-seek. You may even be able to piece together an entire car with all the parts around your house to go on take relaxing drives in the countryside….or flee in terror in the middle of night from your lovely new home.

Just a short walk away, is a marketplace that has become a mix of people trying to put their lives together and crazed zealots, strapped with explosive devices, killing their way into an imagined martyrdom. Supplies of any staple will, of course, be limited and outrageously priced because of how dangerous the area has become. You will probably get to know what’s left of your neighbors when you fight them for the few remaining shreds of goods at the market.

This neighborhood has a lot of potential, and you’d be able to keep costs down because there are no utilities because they get blown up and disrupted for months. Trash disposal is free, too. Leave anything by the curb and whatever isn’t picked through, will probably end up being destroyed by missles.

If you’d like to get it, we could have the papers here to sign…if the car bringing them here makes it past several checkpoints and isn’t blown up or stolen by thieves.”

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One response to “Jobs I would want (#1): Real Estate Agent in Lebanon

  1. Great writing and right on point–so sad–but alarmingly terrific!–>

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