– a national holiday will consist of reading in bed.
– accordians will be against the law.
– I will instantly establish Kate Beckinsale Awareness Month!
– houses decorated in ‘Country Charm’ will be fined and subject to jail time.
– towels hanging near bathroom sinks must be functional and not just decorative.
– reading lamps must be within arms-reach of all beds.
– anyone with 2 or more lawn ornaments will be arrested and fined.
– a breeding tax will be surcharged to those who attend tapings of Jerry Springer.
– anyone caught planting radishes will be attacked by a GARDEN WEASEL or other farming implement within reach.
– DO NOT CALL list violators will have their home and cell numbers posted publically in restrooms, restaurants, and psych wards.
– anyone with a W sticker on their vehicles will get a wedgie administered by Hulk Hogan.
– anyone who reads Ann Coulter columns will also get a wedgie administered by Hulk Hogan.
– I will institute a CLUELESS tax. If you have to ask, then you will be charged.
– designers from the television show, Trading Spaces, would be hunted down, captured, and have their own homes decorated with hideous shades of green and yellow.
– Country music singer, Tim McGraw will be forced to write and sing happy songs where people don’t die, get hurt, or suffer in any way.
These are my laws for now. You may now continue reading my blog for further instructions.