My blog readers have spoken! Something must be done!

The response for reaching out to these rails has been overwhelming. My e-mailbox is clogged with those wishing to do something so these bar-hopping celebri-thins. Trustfunds and family money just isn’t enough sometimes to put food in front of these women. Distracted by shopping trips and clubbing in exotic clubs all over the globe, no one is reaching out to make sure they get “3 squares” a day. Sadly, the cry for help is drowned out by the clicking and beeping of camera equipment.

I am asking my faithful blog readers to dig deep and help me get food into their bellies. For only about $1,500 a day, you can provide each of these talentless shells of human beings with the essential caviar, broiled lobster, Dom Perignon, and appetizers at the finest restaurants all over the world. No more will these demanding, scary freaks of nature have to go hungry while travelling in their family limos, learjets, and luxury boats.

Now $1,500 a day may seem high to you, but you have to understand the needs of each of these obnoxious tramps. These ladies aren’t about to gorge themselves on Cost Cutter Mac-n-cheese, folks. They probably have never even heard of mac-n-cheese, nor considered the options of adding tuna, hotdogs, and peas to enhance the experience. Their privileged lives aren’t anything we can imagine. There are also administrative costs to consider here. In organizing this effort, I will need massive amounts of drugs to not only ask you to give money to these hosebuckets; I will also struggle with the fact that these narcissistic, arrogant dorks could justify taking the money.

Dig deep. Dig now. It’s their only chance!

-sj

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3 responses to “My blog readers have spoken! Something must be done!

  1. Your compassion has touched me. I’d like to donate my entire salary to this worthy cause. Of course, that won’t be nearly enough, but it’s a start.

  2. I think i could rustle up some peeps left over from last Easter for ’em….if that’ll help.

    I’m thoughtful like that.

  3. Well, this has touched a chord deep inside my soul! As a person who raised two kids on stretching chili into chili mac, I can tell you my compassion for these “hosebuckets” as you so tenderly call them is beyond measure!! Soon, I will be sending you an antique winter coat that would probably sell for 2 cents at any goodwill store to shore up these beauties!!!!

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