New options on the death penalty debate


    Recently, a Florida man was put to death by lethal injection because he was found guilty of killing a strip club owner in Miami. The man sentenced to death was known to have health issues, including some form of liver disease.

   After being injected with the lethal concoction, the man was still reported to be twitching, moving his mouth, and moving 24 minutes after it was administered.  It was reported that they injected him again to increase the dosage, which was possibly effected by his liver disease. He did eventually die. An investigation is being done. The family is considering litigation for their loved one’s death as being ‘cruel and unusual.’

    Florida switched to lethal injection from electrocution. It seems that two inmates who died on the electric chair had their heads catch on fire. Now, lethal injection is being called into question.

    My first thought here is that it seems to be strange that those who choose to kill are concerned about ‘cruel and/or unusual punishment.’ If they don’t believe that lethal injection is humane, shouldn’t the deterrent be to not kill or commit serious crimes? Assuming that doesn’t cross their minds at the time of the crime, what about the victim of their crimes? Is there any determination that their victim didn’t suffer some cruelty (other than not living their full lives and, God Forbid, contribute to society unlike their counterpart who killed them) in the process? Anyway….

   It seems that ending the lives of those who commit serious crimes can, in almost all states, still be put to death. If that is the case, the issue appears to simply be a choice of how. Why not offer some choices?

    Olive Garden is probably going to lose customers right and left over the food poisoning scare. In a similar case, Chi-Chi’s Mexican Restaurant went out of business because of their foodboure illness related expenses. Why not start sending death row inmates to Olive Garden?

    Think about it. It’s a friendly atmosphere. The waitstaff is friendly and helpful. The food is presented well and tastes good (you can’t taste E. Coli, right?), and the menu is pretty extensive. This solves all sorts of problems. The legal system won’t be bogged down with frivolous lawsuits. Eating at Olive Garden is much less cruel than a failed lethal injection or your head catching on fire in a 20,000 volt chair. Olive Garden would develop a new customer base, albeit more dependent on violent crime and the presense of a death penalty laws. Death row inmates could relax in the ambiance of a restaurant than cinder block walls. Security guards could dress like waiters to reduce inmate stress. Even managers wouldn’t have to listen to people complaining about their meals. How many people are going to be around to fill out a customer complaint card after the meal?

   The marriage of two current events, blended into one tongue-in-cheek story. I can bend reality in my bare hands. Just another service I offer at Blather-Rinse-Repeat, folks.

Be sure to tip your waitresses!



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