Predictions by the Drewster for 2007

1) Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, and Britney Spears will unite to form an intellectual think tank. The results of which will bring us the 3 Herbie Movie sequels, a reality television show, a trip to rehab, and several hundred hours of community service.

2) George W. Bush, a lifetime pioneer of cluelessness, will make a new breakthrough in the field of incompetence, possibly even winning the Nobel Stupid prize for his work in government.

3) I do not participate in Dead Pools because I think it’s bad karma. I will predict that all the people who die in 2007 will be a result of them no longer being alive.

4) The new diet craze of 2007 will not involve pills, herbs, shakes, talismans, or other dietary supplements. It will involve electric knives. Claims of instantly losing as much as 30 pounds in 20 minutes will suddenly become believable. Testimonials, however, will become harder to collect as possible side effects will include unconsciousness and death.

5) Another global corporation will financially tank due to internal corruption. Another wave of dishonest, thieving, manipulative executives will relinquish 10 of their summer homes yet see no jail time. Leaving thousands of employees stupid enough to put all their retirement money in company stock, putting themselves into financial ruin. In response to that problem, the Federal Government will pass watered-down, pork barrel legislation that targets steroid use in professional baseball, then subsequently take a well-deserved month vacation.

6) Blather-Rinse-Repeat will reach dangerous levels of sarcasm, causing even more pointless legislation to come out of Washington, D.C.  55 gallon barrels of sarcasm will be discovered under his home, but later investigations will determine it to be an excellent source of humor. Lab testing will show its presense in the water supply causes laughter, along with healthier, stronger teeth – more resistant to cavities.

7) Hollywood will dredge up another sitcom from the 1960s or 1970s and make it into a movie, since it has already tacitly admitted to having run completely out of ideas with the Police Academy movies as proof of that admittance.

…more to come

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3 responses to “Predictions by the Drewster for 2007

  1. I can’t wait for George to get The Nobel Stupid prize! Except he will probably declare war on it.

  2. Honorable mention goes to all the people who voted for him.

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