Genuine Fake Celebrity News!

         Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Nicole Ritchie have decided to start a new restaurant chain. These young, limo-riding celebu-fluff have heard about this “eating” thing and want to try their skeletal hand at something new. Although none of them have actually ever been sighted consuming food, they think their new spin on the dining process is unique.

          The main feature of their establishment is the ambiance. The mood will be set by playing Paris Hilton’s shrill voice to pre-recorded dance beats. Mixed in with her music will be songs that Lindsay Lohan has lip-synced to. The centerpiece of their establishments will be an all-you-can-refuse-to-eat bar featuring a bunch of empty, heated stainless steel tubs along with ceramic bowls full of amphetamines. The only beverage served on the menu will be champagne. The waiters and waitresses on hand will not be able to actually bring you anything, but do expect to be verbally abused by the patrons. After all, they want each and every customer to feel incredibly self-important.

         Already this malnourished trio is facing some legal challenges by other famous people trying to get into the food business. Several unnamed leggy, underfed supermodels have taken them to court over the rights over who should own the buffet idea. The supermodels version, however, in addition to amphetamines includes rice cakes, M&Ms, and bean sprouts. It will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

         In other news, Britney Spears continues to embarrass herself in the public eye.  Public drunkeness, carrying on, clubbing, voting Republican, believing what Nancy Pelosi says,considering marriage to K-Fed, actually marrying K-Fed, driving around with her unsecured children on her lap, and now there are reports of her getting out of limos with her pets. Starting with paparazzi getting pictures of her llama, emu, and goat….which ended up on the Internet almost immediately.

        Television studio execs are currently underfire for some decisions made in the past. They have recently gone on-camera to apologize for listing Julia Louise Dreyfus as a comedian. That would require people to laugh at anything she does…other than believing she has a career outside of Seinfeld.  Also, while research had been conducted prior to its filming, it turns out that EVERYONE does not love Raymond. In fact, only 5 people love Raymond. Legal action is being considered by a whole range of groups. The trial could start as early as next month. People testifying against Ms. Dreyfus and Mr. Romano are Steve Martin and Robin Williams, along with many other people who are not only humorous but have been able to generate laughter without laugh tracks. Similar charges had been successfully brought against Richard Lewis and Albert Brooks, both of whom are serving life sentences for being whiny and generally annoying.

   Stay tuned for more Genuine Fake Celebrity News!


11 responses to “Genuine Fake Celebrity News!

  1. Did you write this? It’s hilarious.

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