Muppets are being slaughtered for their pelts!

Due to the incredibly cold weather throughout the United States, people are taking drastic steps to stay warm in these record low temperatures. This includes the latest trends of slaughtering the lovable, educational, as well as furry characters for their pelts. There doesn’t seem to be a demand for Kermit The Frog or Prarie Dawn, neither of which sport fur. However, monsters like Cookie Monster, Fozzie Bear, and Oscar the Grouch could net the seller several thousands of dollars.

The Jim Henson Corporation, who also manages other characters like Bear from Bear In The Big Blue House, are also concerned for the well-being of their other fuzzy employees. They nervously monitor E-bay and other on-line auctions to see if these gentle creatures end up sold to customers trying to keep the cold at bay.

Here is a pelt believed to be Harry, the muppet who used to wear construction helmets.

Toddlers, armed with little to no medical knowledge, are taking other parts of slaughtered Muppets and ingesting them in hopes of acquiring knowledge of letters and numbers WITHOUT having to learn them.

Parents and educators everywhere are worried. They have aligned themselves with P.E.T.A. to form a splinter group to break into Public Broadcasting Stations to release Muppets from their cages. It has also been recently discovered that Muppets have been used in the cosmetic industry to test the toxicity of make-up and other beauty products. Representatives for Maybelline refused to comment.


5 responses to “Muppets are being slaughtered for their pelts!

  1. save the muppets!
    where should I send money to?

  2. Yes, Jimmy, I am wearing the Snuffleupagus. And I am toasty warm.

  3. Kemit is next! muahahahahaha

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