1) People with no sense of humor – How could we be put on this planet and expected to take Paris Hilton or Donald Trump’s hair seriously?
2) Laugh Tracks – Shouldn’t the fact that you need to show people when to laugh during a show you’ve written tell you about its quality of writing?
3) High-pressure salespeople – psychological manipulation of people to purchase something from you is wrong. Let’s just leave this to the campaign professionals, shall we?
4) Accordians – Need proof that this infernal instrument is truly evil? Polka music!
5) People who confuse opinion for fact.
6) The phrase “results not typical” – if results are not typical, why even bother to tell me? Your product or service either works or doesn’t work. Pick one.
7) Supermodels who get defensive about their careers – Just because the genetic lottery allows you to make ungodly amounts of cash by having ability to walk around in a bathing suits in exotic locations; please don’t confuse that with contributing to society. It doesn’t matter if you get a talkshow or your own line of clothing. 20 years from now,you’ll be hocking skin care products on a 3 a.m. info-mercials making a career based exclusively on what you used to look like. Big whooptie do.
8 ) Customer Service Signs – If someone is going to take the time to hang them, you’d think that they’d make arrangements for it to occur underneath it once it’s installed.
9) Too much perfume or cologne – I am all for people having scents other than B.O., but please apply some common sense here. You want that special person to remember your scent, not because your aroma caused them to be admitted into a hospital for damaged lungs.
10) Telemarketers – Who came up with the idea of scripted phone harassment as a career?
11) Reality television – My initial indifference to reality television is solidifying into fear at the thought that people are little more than attention-seeking idiots.
12) Lack of accountability – do legal disclaimers need to be printed on every conceivable item? Wouldn’t it better to just let Natural Selection take its course and genetically filter out stupid people. That would clear up all sorts of problems like daytime television guests, straight-ticket voters, workloads of lawyers with 800 numbers, and people who treat lawsuits like a source of income.
13) Fake creamers – Flavoring your coffee with something created in a chem lab is a crime against nature.