The FDA approves a new drug: Genuflectin

Genuflectin, with the generic name Worshippen, has recently been approved to put on the market. While still in its early stages, the testing so far has shown to be a very powerful and effective drug when taken in the proper dose. Mishandling, however, has serious side effects.

It can provide feelings of comfort, especially in times of stress. Its calming effects can also provide a stable outlook on life. It has the ability to provide some clarity of thought while making decisions. Unfortunately, the dose can vary quite a bit among people. Some may get nauseous with even a little bit and may only take it twice a year. Others may find they have a stronger tolerance and may feel they need more of it. It can be an addictive substance under the right conditions. Side effect include dry mouth, proselytizing, hallucinations, self-righteousness, stockpiling weapons, paranoia, martyrdom, shouting in peoples’ faces, knocking on doors, passing out pamphlets, singing Kumbaya, bad comb-overs, tainting Kool-Aid, preaching on street corners and standoffs with the ATF.

If you have any of these side effects, please discuss them with your priest, pastor, minister, rabbi, priestess, Imam, wise woman, or shaman as soon as possible. Most side effects, if treated early, can be minimized to allow maximum life functioning. Major signs of overdose includes the desire to meddle in other peoples lives and expecting incredibly high, difficult spiritual standards for other people before self-application.

People who should closely monitor their Genuflectin intake include people with no life, those recovering some substance abuse, people willing to hand control of their lives to complete strangers, and those with liver problems.

This is readily available at your closest house of worship. However, as a safety precaution, experts recommend not ordering your prescription through televised worship services. Find a local, trusted provider with all your spiritual needs.

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