In a bold, although not surprising legal move; the ACLU has decided to ban the phrase, “Have A Nice Day.” Representatives from this organization have petitioned the courts to impose fines and jail time for publically wishing good will upon those around them. Their argument is that forcing someone to have a pleasant day is actually a form of harrassment because it doesn’t address each and every time zone or religion that has ever existed in recorded history. Critics of this latest legal battle say that not only is this silly; it also opens the door from yet another wave of greedy slackers looking for handouts. ACLU Grand Dragon, Fred Furby, is under the impression that America hasn’t had enough micromanagement to scrutinize every ritual known to society. He is also seeking legal recourse for those who “hope your day gets better” to be forced to sign guarantees to those having the alleged “bad day.” If the victim’s day doesn’t improve, the well-wisher will be fined and jailed.
“Until we legislate every single possible decision that Americans make on a daily basis, we will never be a free country,” Furby said. When asked about the last Bon Jovi album titled HAVE A NICE DAY, Furby was visibly shaken and said that he would have the New Jersey based rock band incarcerated. Hecklers responded by shouting that it’s people like Furby that forced Tommy to have his six-string in hock.
The only group in public support of this legal Hindenburg is the LAWYERS WITH 800 NUMBERS, a for-profit organization dedicated to the fine art of staging frivolous lawsuits.
Other pending lawsuits brought by the ACLU include the banning of such phrases as “What time is it?”,”Who’s your daddy?”, and “Hey, you!”