Noticing that people have stopped paying attention to him, Michael Moore is jumping up and down in front of any news camera he can find. Once again, his whining voice is being pumped through your television speakers everywhere, disguising his own attention-seeking behavior as outrage for his cause in the form of a screenplay. The timing of this production is remarkable. Not so much for the recent concern for our failing health care system, but with the record high temperatures it gives audiences a plausible excuse to sit in the air-conditioned theatres while it runs.
In other news, Condi Rice was seen expressing what appears to have been an emotion. However, insiders in the Bush Administration say that it was simply dust kicked up from Air Force One causing her eyes to be irritated….much like the Administration’s constituency. After hearing about Condi Rice’s plight, George W. Bush promptly issued an order for $40 billion dollars be immediately set aside for Get Well Party for her to speed her recovery. Rumor has it that Alberto Gonzales’ band, Death & The Organ Failures, will be playing at the political blow out. Not only will their be celebrities present, the Los Angeles Prison system will be letting Paris Hilton out of prison again so she can attend.
Inspired by the recent celebutants incarceration, The Bradford Exchange will be minting a limited addition commemorative plate series of Paris Hilton to raise funds for awareness that our legal system is getting hosed by rich people. Scenes featured on the plates include Paris wrapping her sportcar around a tree, a storage unit that she once owned, and a warehouse full of Valtrex. Order now and an angry taxpayer will show up at your door and beat you for feeding the paparazzic frenzy around this malnourished, ill-behaved freakshow.