My daughter has a fascination with Barbie dolls. I might even be more specific by saying naked Barbie dolls. I did have some initial concerns about the tendency for all her doll’s to be stripped naked. I wasn’t sure if it was age-appropriate curiosity or if it was some bizarre Homeland Security ordered exercise. Anyway, my imagination can go a little overboard sometimes.
For those who are regular readers of my blog, you may remember the loft I built for my daughter’s bed. I mention it because the space beneath is home to Barbie’s playhouse. It looks likes a high-end hotel. Sitting next to it is a small plastic tub that is full of Barbies, Kens and as I later discovered GI-Joes that my daughter must have taken hostage from her brothers’ room. I found them all while straightening up. The part of the discovery that I found shocking was among the naked dolls was a 6 inch black plastic AR-15 rifle.
I knew that very moment that I had foiled a terrorist plot. I raced downstairs to find the phone and call the Federal Government as soon as possible. I thought I’d just end up leaving a message, but as it turns out I was patched through to George W. Bush himself. He told me that he’d have those MISSION ACCOMPLISHED signmakers drop off something. He would also have a few hundred self-congratulating bureaucrats airlifted into my small hometown as well. He also told me that he was on his way. He was having AIR FORCE ONE fueled up while he got into his flight gear. In a matter of hours, Pottsville Pennsylvania was choked with crowds and camera crews. Secret Service men hustled me through the crowds at Garfield Square to stand next to the President with the small plastic rifle I had ripped from the hands of extremist Barbies who had spit in the face of freedom. The crowd cheered madly. I graciously accepted the key to the city they offered me, then we all headed over to Goodfella’s for some Yuengling Premium and kareoke. We stayed until closing time. Then, a helicopter landed in the lot across the way and was just about to take Gee Dubya back to the White House.
Just before he turned to get on the chopper; he turned to me and had me promise to keep doing my part for the administration. I promised I would squander a natural resource and give tax breaks to any corporations before I went home to pass out.