Category Archives: safe sects

9 things that bother me

Adults who buy their children ATVs – Is this a socially acceptable way to crush your children?

low budget hotdogs – If I am going to indulge in a meal that’s incredibly bad for me, it should at least taste good.

The fine print – I absolutely love car commercials on tv that have the 6 point font that explain the terms of contract. Just because I can’t see the specific terms of the contract doesn’t mean I can’t trust them, right? They’re looking out for me. I know they are. 28% interest sounds fair.

Anime – large-eyed people with narrow mouths that have the acting depth of Steven Seagal. It’s beyond annoying.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – I bet the stuff he was smoking that made him think he’d be able to visit the World Trade Center site was really strong. He must have the same drug dealer as Ann Coulter.

Lee C. Bollinger – The President of Columbia University is confusing academic freedom with being an unbalanced idiot.  It is possible to be liberal without sounding like you’ve had a lobotomy.

Digital Rights Management – The recording industry is trying to make up for lost decades of the public trading copies of audio cassettes. It’s made them think that the individual doesn’t really own the material they buy now. They’re just borrowing it. I am all for protecting the rights of distribution, let’s say, in the crackdown of foreign countries pirating movies. I am not, however, liking being locked out of being able to convert items to other formats for my own use.

Windows Vista – This operating system is such a resource hog that even mentioning it in front of your own computer will make the system run slower or crash. I plan on having an open source operating system on my home computer before this becomes public.

Law breakers who try to wrap their crimes in The Constitution – Would someone please let Warren Jeffs & his followers know that sexually assaulting 14 year olds is not a constitutional right?

A post of mine is referenced on Wikipedia!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_debates_over_the_Harry_Potter_series

    Hey! I have recently discovered that one of my older posts about Harry Potter is referenced on Wikipedia. Check out reference #61 at the bottom!! Woot Woot!

    I am reminded of the scene from the movie, The Jerk, when Navin Johnson (Steve Martin) got excited when he found his name in the phone book…….O.k., maybe I am not THAT excited about the mention in Wikipedia.

God moves in mysterious ways

Image of the Blessed Virgin Mary appears on a garage door in Minersville, PA

The appearance of what appears to be a sign of God has drawn believers and garage door appreciators from all over East Central Pennsylvania. God’s holy message has been delivered to Minersville, PA although no one is exactly sure what that message is or why it is appearing on a garage door.

“I am not sure what God’s advertising budget is,” asks Lamar Advertising Account Exec, David Schultz,” but I think he might be able to benefit from our new line of electronic signs.” After being severely beaten by the crowd for suggesting that the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent Creator needed such a mortal way to get His message across; the crowd returned its attention to the glowing garage door.

Many believers in the group of people seemed that they will have more converts by the end of the night. Most, however, seem to just be fascinated with staring at a human-shaped blob of light.

Personally, I don’t believe that something as important as finding religion would be left to such a vague presentation. The Old Testament burning bush that talks directly to the person is a much more clear way to send any religious message.

Looks like God’s gonna have to go old school.

-sj

p.s. For some reason, I feel compelled to quote those potentially prophetic words of Echo & The Bunnymen.

“Bring on the new messiah. Wherever he may roam.”

Senator Larry Craig should go

  Not only is the writing on the wall, it’s waving it’s hand under it and tapping us on the foot.

Important things to know about religion*

*as revealed to me by life experience. This is only my opinion.

1) No one adherent truly represents a religion. This is good news for those who are bad examples, and bad news for those who think finding religion is an easy job.

2) A flaw in the practice of its adherents doesn’t not necessarily mean a flaw in the religion itself. Those who hold themselves up as spiritual beacons aren’t necessarily the ones to follow. Frequently, spiritual leaders are so busy leading spiritual lives that they don’t have time to draw attention to themselves.

3) Religion is not simply the act of attending church, nor is religion seated in a symbol. It’s not even a specific set of rituals. Those are all external things that believers and non-believers can focus on alike. While mocking a religious ritual or destroying a religious symbol is disrespectful, faith is something that can only be damaged by the person who chooses to give up hope. If you have a strong faith, there isn’t an external force on the planet that can change that.

4) Religion, like any human endeavor, is subject to bias. A spiritually weak person will bend their interpretation of  sacred text to serve their own wants & needs. A spiritually strong person works toward changing their behavior to fit into their interpretation of sacred text. As I have also said before, spiritually weak people also prefer holding others to a high spiritual standard before holding themselves to the same standard. Control issues, manipulation  or deception can exist without religion. Religion can just be a means of delivering such an agenda.

5) Finding religion is only a matter of asking the right questions and looking in the right places. It starts with the honest willingness to look and not asking the same questions over and over again. It is finding your own proof, even if indirect, that the divine exists. Taking someone else’s assumptions at face value limits your own growth. I also think that the spiritual journey involves more doubt and fear that you may be lead to believe exists.

6) There is nothing wrong with ritual. It provides stability and security for us. It can be comforting. It provides predictability in the face of an unpredictable world.  Some require more structure to their ritual than others, but there is no one answer for everyone.

 7) Having faith simply means the ability to have hope.  Having enough trust in a feeling that everything will work out, despite what the immediate circumstances may tell you. That is faith. This then leads to building your relationship with the divine.

8 ) Wisdom and truth are timeless. You don’t have to be the oldest or have the most adherent to be validated. Mocking, lying or distorting the religion of another can also be a means of disempowering it. Those become the socially acceptable way to destroy the competition since imprisoning, torturing and killing others for their faith isn’t an option anymore…at least, in this country.

9) Many words are subject to different emotional meanings which includes the use the of the word PATH to describe religion. Some assume this means there is only one. Others see it as many paths all leading to the same destination. The word God means many things to many people. Some believe its masculine. Some believe its feminine. Some believe both genders. Some neither or that it’s a force. As it is an infinite being, finite beings such as ourselves can wrap our brains around the entire essense of the divine. People who are overly concerned with debating the mortal concept of gender as it applies to the divine have probably not made the spiritual leap yet.

The FDA approves a new drug: Genuflectin

Genuflectin, with the generic name Worshippen, has recently been approved to put on the market. While still in its early stages, the testing so far has shown to be a very powerful and effective drug when taken in the proper dose. Mishandling, however, has serious side effects.

It can provide feelings of comfort, especially in times of stress. Its calming effects can also provide a stable outlook on life. It has the ability to provide some clarity of thought while making decisions. Unfortunately, the dose can vary quite a bit among people. Some may get nauseous with even a little bit and may only take it twice a year. Others may find they have a stronger tolerance and may feel they need more of it. It can be an addictive substance under the right conditions. Side effect include dry mouth, proselytizing, hallucinations, self-righteousness, stockpiling weapons, paranoia, martyrdom, shouting in peoples’ faces, knocking on doors, passing out pamphlets, singing Kumbaya, bad comb-overs, tainting Kool-Aid, preaching on street corners and standoffs with the ATF.

If you have any of these side effects, please discuss them with your priest, pastor, minister, rabbi, priestess, Imam, wise woman, or shaman as soon as possible. Most side effects, if treated early, can be minimized to allow maximum life functioning. Major signs of overdose includes the desire to meddle in other peoples lives and expecting incredibly high, difficult spiritual standards for other people before self-application.

People who should closely monitor their Genuflectin intake include people with no life, those recovering some substance abuse, people willing to hand control of their lives to complete strangers, and those with liver problems.

This is readily available at your closest house of worship. However, as a safety precaution, experts recommend not ordering your prescription through televised worship services. Find a local, trusted provider with all your spiritual needs.

‘Tis the season for foot fetish calls (part 2 – the comments)

How much stuff about feet can someone with a foot fetish have to say when anonymously harassing someone else up to 60 time a day?

Why do my feet smell?

Can you recommend a podiatrist?

Does this make my foot look too big?

Can I put my shoes in the washer?

What about that Amelda Marcos?

What are your feet wearing?

I bet you wear something with a sensible heal.

Do your feet smell like cheese, too?

I ran out of Smuckers so I used toe jam instead.

Ever hear of ‘shrimping?’

60 times a day, huh?

That guy was either really good…..or seriously whacked out of his skull.