Bad Parent Magazine polls results are in: Chuck E. Cheese voted #1

      Bad Parent Magazine, a resource for couples whose feel responsibility for children ends at conception, has voted Chuck E. Cheese the best place to watch their offspring.

      “Whenever there’s a birthday party there, I know that they got plenty a people there to watch my kid while I am at home relaxin’,”  states Brian Johnson – father of 7.  He went onto explain that he was there for what he thinks was a birthday party for one of his children’s classmates. He’s not sure he has the right day, but that didn’t seem to matter. Mr. Johnson sometimes uses Chuck E. Cheese as a free day care.

    “It’s perfect for me, ‘cus you don’t gotta register no one. They don’t ask for emergency contact numbers. You don’t have to worry if your kid is sick or not. They are open almost all the time and you can drop them off whenever,” Mr. Johnson explains.

   Reggie Wallace, shift manager at Chuck E. Cheese, expresses concern with the practice but appreciates the business.

    “I am lucky that most of my employees have enough interest to show up. The ones that do decide to show up for their shifts will get that all-important babysitting experience,” Mr. Wallace continued. “I don’t know if I would want my kids to be raised by my employees, but I am glad we can provide this important service for the public. We take really good care of the kids. Most of them buy tokens by the bucket and we just keep the bottomless soda coming.”

    The dark side to this impromptu day care situation is that the police continue to get called to the premises. Reports of harrassment of other customers, physical threats and some elementary school-level gang activity have made this a potentially risky spot for those children who treat the establishment as it was originally intended.

   The survey taken by Bad Parent Magazine found that Chuck E. Cheese was the best place to drop children off at. This was followed by – in order of ranking – family reunions, bowling alleys, laser tag arenas/roller skating rinks, zoos, amusement parks, bus stations, crack dens and supermarkets.  98% of all bad parents survey felt that it was “somebody else’s fault” when it comes to their own childrens’ atrocious behavior. When given a choice between holding their child accountable or taking someone else to court when their children got into trouble, 99% chose litigation.

        It is also interesting to point out that 75% of these parents felt that their children’s meals should consist of the 4 main food groups: sugar, fat, fillers & preservatives. The remaining 25% of the parents were vaguely aware there were other little people in the house and had noticed some food was missing. All of bad parents surveyed felt that toys from China were an excellent source of lead and very educational when it comes to teaching their children about the Periodic table.

     A popular alternative day care choice among bad parents also included R-rated films that feature adult content, graphic violence and sexually suggestive language. These parents also found television programming on The WB and Fox network that featured elementary school age children with libidos was “effin’ hilarious.” 89% of the parents surveyed also felt it was not the school’s job to teach their children the “birds and bees.”  100% believed that it wasn’t their job and think that they’ll figure out one way or another.

Observations of a 4 year old birthday party

    My daughter celebrated her 4 years on the planet. During all the festivities, I made note of several little events I felt compelled to comment on here.

    I think one of the most annoying things I have experienced, even before becoming a parent, is watching other parents leave their children to fend for themselves at public functions. As soon as they arrive, the parent and child go their separate ways. I am not sure if this is a misinterpretation of “it takes a village” or what. Having been a camp counselor, I instantly feel I have to keep a watchful eye on the child. I find it hardly coincidental that the parent capable of this is oftentimes paired with what we in the childcare field referred to as “demon spawn.”  While most children have a natural appeal, these beings evoke no calming emotion. Luckily, the party only lasted 2 hours. I did quietly smile to myself watching these kids putting away soda in college beer bong proportions.  It’s almost like karma in disaccharide form.

     Other than that, I reaffirm my hatred of Bratz toys. The good news is that the toy gods were smiling upon us because there was only one this time. I find it really hard to celebrate inner-city attitude venerated as if it were culture. Bling is merely the substitution for the phrase “fascinated by shiny objects.” Even the frickin’ name emphasizes illiteracy…..

What is religion’s role in politics?

   First of all, let me say that I believe having religion is important. Religion, in my opinion, is having a relationship with the divine force. Faith is the expression of that relationship with the divine. Morality is the behavioral standard that we apply to ourselves when interacting with the world around us. Unfortunately, we have forgotten or lost perspective of several important things.

    Religion is something one has to find within themselves. Until someone experiences that specific moment where they find their own “proof” for the divine force, it will always be foreign for them. That person might know what to say to sound like a believer, but don’t feel it. They might surround themselves with religious people and the symbols of the faith, but that doesn’t instill faith automatically. Judging, condemning or shouting at people who don’t believe isn’t going to help anything. Telling them they have the wrong faith unless they share yours is even more spiritually damaging. Emphasizing or implying one is better than another is also misguided. I also think that a great deal of emphasis has been giving to religious symbols. Faith shouldn’t be threatened by the presence of some symbols or the absense of others. Destruction or desecration of those symbols, although disrespectful, doesn’t destroy faith because faith is something inside you.

   Does the absense of religion mean that person can’t function within our government? Not necessarily. Should they still be aware of religions? Yes. Can you be a leader in the government with it? Yes. Can you be a leader in the government without it? Yes.  While the presense of faith may influence decisions, the main premise behind a democracy is representing the people. You obviously can’t please everyone, but you also have to take other peoples’ viewpoints (including religious ones) into consideration. Having faith as a leader does not mean using it exclusively to find direction or make decisions. Leaders who reinforce their beliefs exclusively through their position of power carry the appearance of a dictator.

   Finally, I think the problem with religion in politics now is based on the fact that religion is worn as clothing. It is being used to disguise a candidate to make them appear acceptable to a group of people the candidate believes will help them win votes.  Religion is a beautiful thing, and in my mind, flawless. The flaw is in how it is exploited and manipulated by those who claim to practice it.  Essentially, another layer of the “say one thing, do another” mentality that has most voters fed up with our current political system. Sen. Larry Craig is just another example. Tell the public what you think it wants to hear, even if your current lifestyle doesn’t jibe.

*****side comments on current presidential candidates

Most candidates don’t strike me as being particularly religious, at least visibly. The only talk I have heard or read about religion in the presidential race is about Mitt Romney (Mormon) and Barack Obama (Islam).  It seems that some voters are deadset against either of these two because they aren’t Christian. That strikes me as incredibly misguided. What if Christian were a minority faith? Would it make sense to rule them out, simply because of that? Or are people just looking for ways to split the US vs. THEM thing? Bush, who seems relatively open embracing his Christianity(Methodist, if I remember correctly….although I have heard “born again” which strikes me as being generally more fundamental or charismatic for the Methodist line of thought.) His decisions have obviously colored his decisions on legislation. It’s even to the point where his view is the minority, yet it gets pushed through as law. Stem cell research. Case & Point.  I just don’t see how that makes us any better off than a more balanced leader. Of course, Bush never tried to mend any bridges after capturing just enough votes to win the election. A true leader would have reached out to the 49% of the vote that didn’t vote for him. Low voter turn out should have reinforced his need to reach out.

Of course, the other side of the coin is that Democratic frontrunner Sen. Hilary Clinton could spend the rest of her life claiming to be whatever religion she wanted to. There is still no way I could believe that she have the spiritual substance having been involved with so many questionable legal dealings.  Bill Clinton didn’t do us any favors either. A man who can’t respect the marriage vow doesn’t strike me as one who can be trusted to lead the country. I swear the only difference between Bill Clinton and George W. Bush sometimes is that Gee Dubya wasn’t as good of a liar as Clinton.

Would someone please tell me that this next election WON’T be another vote for the lesser of two evils again!!?!

I battled WinAntiSpyware 2007 today

  Armed with Norton Antivirus, Spybot Search & Destroy & Ad-Aware;  it still took a few hours…..and it came back.

  It’s such a massive scam. It infects your computer, notifies you that the spyware is trying to access the internet, doesn’t allow you to stop it unless you “register” the software. Click on the “register” button and you get to pay a one-time fee to have the spyware removed. Such a deal. What a bargain.

Freaks.

Candy cigarettes: a second-hand bad habit

   Up until a few days ago, candy cigarettes didn’t seem like such a big deal. My recent observations have led me to believe that candy cigarettes may not be such a good idea.

   While watching my oldest son play baseball, I witnessed a group of children eating candy. One little girl in particular was holding a box of candy cigarettes. Instead of just munching these chalk-like candies, she was posing with them while talking with her friends.  The edible cigarette was held between her index and middle finger on a relaxed arm. Pointing the imaginary lit end away from her body, she stood with her friends – repeating what is probably parental behavior regarding COPD in convenient rolled form. What was the name of the candy cigarettes? Target brand, of course.

   The mind races (mine, at least) at the possibilities with other marketing ideas to aim at kids.  Fisher Price Toys could come out with a bright colorful plastic oxygen tanks that the kid could lug around with them. Velcro chest straps could playfully minimize the difficult breathing that you get when you dance with Mr. Tobacco for decades. Baby Gap could come out with fashionable hospital-like gowns.

    O.K., maybe it’s a stretch. However, I don’t see the need for candy cigarettes.  Having lost loved ones to this, it’s more than annoying to see something deadly appear as a harmless activity for kids. The message is rather conflicted, don’t you think?

The New 7 Wonders Of The World (per People Magazine)

     I managed to get a copy of a poll taken by People Magazine who recently asked it’s readers what the new 7 Wonders Of The World should be. Here is the list! Look for it next month.

1) Paris Hilton

2) Lindsay Lohan

3) Nicole Ritchie

4) Summer Salads at McDonald’s

5) Cable Television

Please reach out to those filling out the People Magazine poll. Their researchers had difficulty finding people subscribed to their magazine who could count to seven.

Finding your niche in life

   There can be points in your life when everything seems to be in place and on the right track. I was there a few years ago, but don’t feel that now.

    I have a lot of things in place, but the last piece seems to be my career. Looks like its time to point things where I want to go.

   -sj

 p.s. If any of the lottery gods are listening, I plan on playing this week. Thank you.

My computer was jumped by Brave Sentry spyware

  Last night, I’m minding my own business when – ALL OF A SUDDEN – my computer gets jumped by spyware. I click on a webpage and suddenly my computer reboots. No error messages. No warning. BAM!

  Once it reboots, I start getting warnings about how I am infected and how I can click on XP-like pop-up warnings appear. My computer gets all sluggish, taking a minute or so to refresh screens, and my Internet connection is even slower. I find out TASK MANAGER has been disabled by the Administrator. HEY WAIT?!?! I AM the administrator. Things look bad.

   I find out I can get into the registry, but can’t disable what just got installed. I can’t kill the processes. None of my spyware removers work. My anti-virus was also disabled.

   Luckily, I have another computer with untainted access to the Internet to find a fix. I find this website . I download a removal program on my infected computer, boot into SAFE MODE, and run it. About 10 minutes later, my computer has been cleaned off.

5 things you should AVOID while camping

  Having recently just gotten back from a long weekend camping at Locust Lake with my family, I feel compelled to share my opinion of such “whippersnapper” behavior – if only in a curmudgeon-in-training sort of way.

1) Treating Department Of Resources Employees like maids. They have enough to do managing the National Park system rather than pick up your messes. If you break some glass, that’s fine – just pick it up.

2) Using lanterns that have a SOLAR FLARE setting, especially at night. People who enjoy camping are typically there to enjoy nature. We like sitting in the dark, looking at the stars over a campfire. We didn’t put the time and effort into all of this – just to have our retinas baked out of our skulls by some dorks with universe-ending blast of light from the neighbors’ campsite. Sharing is good, but not with this.

3) Walking through other peoples’ campsites. Camping is a friendly, social affair but boundaries are good to. Be considerate of your neighbors. If you feel compelled to overstep the line here, please remember these three words: Malaysian Tiger Trap.

4)  Burning things other than wood in your campfire. Let me save you some book learnin’ here. Throwing non-flammable man-made things into a fire will either give off harmful chemicals, taint the food you may later cook on that fire, or harm the animal life still living in that forest after you go. Leaving food will invite critters. Small critters may not be harmful, but large critters are. If you want to be lower on the food chain, go somewhere else please. Volunteer as lion bait at the closest zoo or something. Here’s another science tip. Don’t play with lighter fluid around open flames. You’re not going to impress anyone having Charles Darwin on speed dial. Even fewer will be impressed when you torch the park after uttering the phrase, “Hey guys, check this out!”

5) Leave the perfume/heavy scents at home.  If you’re that high maintenance that you can’t walk away from hair care or personal care products for a few days, camping may not be for you. The discerning camping nose avoids such aromas because it becomes a magnet for bugs and mosquitos. Save the swanky aromas for your next bar-hopping jaunt.

Would someone please call Amnesty International?

   While cleaning the house today with my family, my children wanted to listen to a Kids Bop CD.

The only thing more painful that listening to this might possibly be having your wisdom teeth removed by needle nose pliers with no anaesthetic.

No one should ever be subjected to pre-teens howling along to popular songs. I think the only thing worse is singing Chipmunks (Alvin….Alvin…..ALLLVIIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!)