Bad Parent Magazine, a resource for couples whose feel responsibility for children ends at conception, has voted Chuck E. Cheese the best place to watch their offspring.
“Whenever there’s a birthday party there, I know that they got plenty a people there to watch my kid while I am at home relaxin’,” states Brian Johnson – father of 7. He went onto explain that he was there for what he thinks was a birthday party for one of his children’s classmates. He’s not sure he has the right day, but that didn’t seem to matter. Mr. Johnson sometimes uses Chuck E. Cheese as a free day care.
“It’s perfect for me, ‘cus you don’t gotta register no one. They don’t ask for emergency contact numbers. You don’t have to worry if your kid is sick or not. They are open almost all the time and you can drop them off whenever,” Mr. Johnson explains.
Reggie Wallace, shift manager at Chuck E. Cheese, expresses concern with the practice but appreciates the business.
“I am lucky that most of my employees have enough interest to show up. The ones that do decide to show up for their shifts will get that all-important babysitting experience,” Mr. Wallace continued. “I don’t know if I would want my kids to be raised by my employees, but I am glad we can provide this important service for the public. We take really good care of the kids. Most of them buy tokens by the bucket and we just keep the bottomless soda coming.”
The dark side to this impromptu day care situation is that the police continue to get called to the premises. Reports of harrassment of other customers, physical threats and some elementary school-level gang activity have made this a potentially risky spot for those children who treat the establishment as it was originally intended.
The survey taken by Bad Parent Magazine found that Chuck E. Cheese was the best place to drop children off at. This was followed by – in order of ranking – family reunions, bowling alleys, laser tag arenas/roller skating rinks, zoos, amusement parks, bus stations, crack dens and supermarkets. 98% of all bad parents survey felt that it was “somebody else’s fault” when it comes to their own childrens’ atrocious behavior. When given a choice between holding their child accountable or taking someone else to court when their children got into trouble, 99% chose litigation.
It is also interesting to point out that 75% of these parents felt that their children’s meals should consist of the 4 main food groups: sugar, fat, fillers & preservatives. The remaining 25% of the parents were vaguely aware there were other little people in the house and had noticed some food was missing. All of bad parents surveyed felt that toys from China were an excellent source of lead and very educational when it comes to teaching their children about the Periodic table.
A popular alternative day care choice among bad parents also included R-rated films that feature adult content, graphic violence and sexually suggestive language. These parents also found television programming on The WB and Fox network that featured elementary school age children with libidos was “effin’ hilarious.” 89% of the parents surveyed also felt it was not the school’s job to teach their children the “birds and bees.” 100% believed that it wasn’t their job and think that they’ll figure out one way or another.
Blather, Rinse, Repeat 